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Two Days

31 Oct
Every once in a while, I have a day when the convergence of events leaves me contemplative for several days afterward.
Sometimes the days leave me laughing. Sometimes they leave me reflecting on how far we have yet to go to see either the kingdom of God on earth or the dream of America manifest for all its citizens.
An example of the former happened a few years ago when I, for the first time in some 30 years, attended a Holy Week service at my new Episcopal church. There were two congregations, one referred to as “Anglo” (which included a small contingent of people of color mostly of Jamaican ancestry), one Hispanic, who usually held separate services to overcome the language barrier. On this particular night, however, the rector had decided to combine the two. Our programs included the verses of Scripture and the words to the songs to be sung, alternating in reverse from the actual performance. In other words, if the Scripture was read in English, the words in the program were in Spanish. If a song was sung in Spanish, the words to the song in English were printed in the program.
The beginning of the service quickly illuminated the differences in our congregations. Not having an organ in the Youth Center where the Hispanic services were normally held, a band including guitarists and an electric bass player were positioned to the left, across from the Anglo congregation’s choirmaster, who doubled as the organist. Both played in accompaniment, whether the song was sung in Spanish or English.
Also on this night, there were a number of children presented for baptism from the Hispanic congregation, so there were quite a few large families in attendance with children of a variety of ages. More than once, I found myself reaching under the pew in front of me to rescue a wayward pacifier or other toy. At one point, a cell phone rang out from a couple of pews behind me and a Spanish conversation ensued, despite whatever else was going on up front.
A longstanding traditionalist in terms of church music, the choirmaster, incidentally a gay man, had chosen the English songs as he usually did, to match the Scripture readings. One of his choices was the Negro spiritual hymn, “Go Down, Moses,” which I was, frankly, surprised to find in the Episcopal hymnal.
As a lead-in to the song, the bass player began to play a simple, but familiar, rhythm often employed in country music. I realized suddenly that what he was playing was the underline of the fight song of my high school before our “white” and “black” schools were consolidated post court-ordered desegregation. We’d been the “Rebels,” and the song was “Rebel Rouser,” for those who might know it. For those who don’t, yes, I’m talking about those Rebels.
I glanced to the front at the rector and deacons, all of whom looked a bit like deer in headlights, surrounded by a host of beautiful young Hispanic couples with children in gleaming white dresses, and I lost it right then and there. I laughed until tears ran down my face. A gay white man and a Hispanic bass player were playing a Negro spiritual to the tune of a Confederate-tinged fight song in a church still loosely tied to the English monarchy. I don’t know if anyone else in the place made those connections, but I can say without reservation that I have seldom enjoyed a church service as much before or since.
Fast forward to this past weekend, and you find me in downtown Knoxville, Tennessee. My best friend and I, who both played on our high school girls’ basketball teams in the early 1970s, had gone on a whim to visit the Women’s Basketball Hall of Fame. While there, we spent a half hour dribbling around on a couple of half-courts and trying to play H-O-R-S-E. (Today, I’m reminded of what the days after the first practice were like 45 years ago.)
I found myself thinking about how many of the inductees I had never heard of, how many women had gone before, reaching back to the early 20th century, to lay the groundwork for me to play—remembering too that I played when Title IX had first become the law of the land and it was still thought that we female sorts as a rule were incapable of playing 5-on-5, all running the full court. We had at least progressed to where it was admissable for two of us to run up and down the court, but the others of us had to stay in our respective half-courts.
My friend and I had noticed a food festival of some sort setting up in a large field across from the Sun Sphere, which remains from the World’s Fair held in Knoxville in 1982, and decided to eat lunch there. It turned out to be an international food festival, supporting the local Muslim community, with offerings from all around the Near East, except for those of Israeli extraction, of course. The partakers of the feast ran the gamut of ethnicities, from WASPs like us to people of color, from the obviously well-to-do to some I suspect were homeless.
We went to our room to watch college football and take post-lunch naps before heading out for an early dinner. We walked a few blocks to the Market Street Square and put our names on a waiting list for one of the many restaurants there. We were sitting out on a bench waiting to receive a text that our table was ready when a probably homeless fellow walked by, pointing up to the sky, and said, “The birds are back.”
There above us were literally thousands of black birds, flying in a massive circle. Every once in a while, a small group would break off, fly away from the swarm, and then return, joining in once again. While watching the spectacle, I happened to hear some of the words of three men who stood diagonally across the square from where we sat—a diatribe about how it was God’s will that women remain in the home, cooking for their families and bearing children. I will assume that playing basketball, much less running for office, was out of the question.
I won’t describe these men because it doesn’t matter what sub-groups they’re members of. Besides, you’ve already projected onto them your own imagination, anyway, and proclaimed it as truth, despite the likelihood that you were hundreds of miles away from that square. There are many different iterations of those who would demonstrate the arrogance of speaking for God, from virtually every religious tradition, including your own, whatever it is. The noise is loud today, in every public square.
Our text finally came. We ate quietly, watching with UT fans as their team, playing away in South Carolina, came up short, and walked back to the hotel. It had been quite a day. But this time, I wasn’t laughing. I was wondering, instead, of what those a hundred years from now, will think of us.
We’ve been here before, many times. We can choose to celebrate a diversity of experience that benefits us all and doesn’t require that one group of people dominate another on the basis of wealth or physical characteristic or country of origin or any other differences we had nothing to do with. (I’ve accomplished a lot of things, but the fact that I’m a Southern white female is not among them.)
We can choose to defend those who do not seek to harm us from the delusions of those scared to death, screaming that the system is rigged against them when the truth is, on a level playing field, they can’t measure up unless the system is rigged in their favor. We can choose to laugh at the ironies like white and Hispanic people playing Negro spirituals with an undercurrent of Confederate leanings, and then, sheepish, shake each other’s hands and go about our business, no matter how different our cultures are, only to return when it matters to join together for a spectacular finish, like the birds that flew above me on Saturday. Sounds a lot like the kingdom of God to me. Sounds a lot like the dream of America, too.
The question is will we?

One Night

9 Jul
It was 11:30 p.m. during the summer of 2008. I had just left a committee meeting at my church in suburban Atlanta and was driving home on Jimmy Carter Boulevard in my 1999 Jeep Grand Cherokee, which I was holding together with baling wire. The left rear tail light and turn signal was temperamental, as has been true of many, I would learn later. So much so that I had taken to checking the turn signal before I backed out of the driveway, and getting out and banging on the light until it worked. In the weeks prior, the Jeep had also begun to suddenly idle too low and shut off when I stopped at traffic lights, and on this particular night at the entrance to the bridge from Norcross toward Lilburn, it did it again. For those familiar with this intersection then (it has been completely redone since then), it would not be a good place for a woman alone to break down, so I prayed that it would start again.
A victim of the Recession (which frankly still isn’t over for me or for a substantial number of others I know, despite the stock market buoyancy), the stress of the financial challenges I faced was high and I was, frankly, exhausted in addition to being tightly wound.
Thankfully, the car started, and when the light turned green, I pulled away, only to look in my rearview mirror and see flashing lights. After crossing the bridge, I turned right onto McDonough and came to a stop. The police cruiser followed and pulled in behind me.
I assumed that it was the light, and started to get out of the car, only to hear the police officer scream at me to get back in the car. I complied. He walked to the passenger side of my car and I let down the window. He asked to see my license and insurance card, the former of which I had already removed from my purse. Glancing at the insurance card, I saw that it had expired a month before and I started looking in the console and glove compartment just in case I had just failed to put the new card in my wallet—but I had a sinking feeling that in my ongoing juggling of funds, I’d forgotten to pay it for the first time I could remember in 20 years.
The moment I reached for the console, the officer started screaming at me to keep my hands in view. I saw that his hand was on his holster and I stopped searching for a moment. Because I could see his face in the streetlight’s glow, I knew the Hispanic-American man was young enough to be my son, and I reacted like a mother with a kid who was out of control. With my hands in front of me, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Officer,” I said. “Officer, stop!”
I guess it surprised him, because he did stop yelling, and I was able to explain that I was trying to find my insurance card. I handed him the one from my wallet, explaining that I knew it was not the new card, and picked up my cellphone to call GEICO, which fortunately had agents on call 24/7. While he was checking it via his dash computer, I confirmed that I had, in fact, failed to pay the last premium, and proceeded to pay the bill with a credit card right then and there. I asked the agent if she would speak to the officer, she agreed, and I got out of the car and started back to hand him the phone.
Once again, he jumped out of his car, screaming for me to get back in my Jeep. I stopped and held up the cellphone, telling him that my insurance agent was on the line and would confirm that I had just paid my bill and was now insured again.
It took some doing, but I convinced him to talk with her and he did. He initially told me that I would not be able to drive the car home, but relented and gave me a ticket. Shaking, I took the ticket and my cellphone, thanked the officer for his allowing me to go on home, and got back in the driver’s seat.
I have been reminded of that incident several times this week, but especially in relation to the police shooting in Minnesota.
When it happened, I was in my early 50s. I’ve wondered several times what might have happened had I been carrying a concealed weapon. I wonder what might have happened if I had had a gun and had disclosed it to the officer. I wonder what might have happened if I had had a gun and had NOT disclosed it to the officer.
And I know, with a certainty, that because I’m a white woman, the answer to what might have happened is…exactly what did.
Had I been black, I’m not as certain. Had I been both male and black, I’m not certain at all. The officer was scared—it was late, it was dark, there was no one else around. I was scared—it was late, it was dark, there was no one else around. And though I am white and female, the potential for a life-changing event for the both of us existed for a few excruciating seconds. But I know that because I am white and female, the idea that I might have been shot to death or otherwise brutally treated never crossed my mind.
As a person who once was a counselor, I know of the poor judgment we are all capable of when we are panicked. And I know what we are capable of when we deal with each other as human beings—responsible, compassionate, understanding human beings. It wasn’t the officer’s fault that I had financial problems and had forgotten to pay my insurance, nor was he responsible for responding to me without holding me accountable for my failure. I was guilty as charged. Nor was it my fault that because of the nature of our increasingly uncivil society, the officer felt he had to protect himself by expecting to be shot during a traffic stop rather than expecting to find a person with emotional maturity sitting behind the wheel of that broken-down Jeep.
But it was what it was, and on that night eight years ago, what should happen between two human beings in a confrontational situation did. And it does every day all over the United States between people of all persuasions. And it will continue to be so if we keep our heads and treat each other with the respect we all deserve.
But only if.
Vally